RAPE IS EVITABLE!

I saw some real monsters today! It was one of the most horrible days of my life.
I survived a rape!
I survived from being gang-raped rather!
I survived from being called an inevitable rape victim!


He tightly holded my hands as we were walking through the river shore. Mild breeze lifted away the hair tangles from my face. He laughed seeing my hair_banded_otherwise_untied hair strands distrurbing me. I looked like a doll_he said. Blushed I.


This place was not unknown to us except the route we took today. It crossed some dark_lonely lanes. Nothing disturbed me except the site of some guys following us abruptly. I failed to notice their intentions. I thought it was a completely safe place till I was with him.


Amidst the crowd and rush; the silent ambiance of this place really attracts me ; whatsoever is the risk percentage to visit it at the evening hours.


We were fetching the same old dirty steps over the dry sand. Laughed we when imbalanced. Kissed we when came closer. Hugged we when no body was around.


This place could never have been so haunted if we didn't see few really su*king people smoking weeds.
The dim light was not enough to get a clear picture of what the troop of guys were doing.
 We decided to return back to our hostels. Turned we.


Shouted upon by few really disastrous looking guys; we were horribly terrified.
I holded him by his shoulder. He holded me back.
Soon five to seven bullshit_smelling guys surrounded us. One of them slapped me really hard. Asked he what I was doing at this late hour with a guy? Asked he if I was intrested in fu*king him! Asked he if he could do the same!
Frowned I at the monster. He slapped me again! He pressed my breast! He touched my hips. He rubbed his fingers over my belly line! He annoyed me. I was disgusted. I was helpless!
The monster holded my man ;hands_back. He shouted. He pleaded. Nothing helped.
I shouted. I didn't plead. I stepped his legs. His hand continued to rub my breast. His touch made me feel like a prostitute. I felt like dying at that peak hour but the basta*d was enjoying. Enjoying were the fellow monsters. Laughed all except we.

Soon came running other troop of guys. Now I was surrounded by around 40 guys ranging from child to uncle. It really pissed me off when a guy torch lighted my face and pressed me all over like a cotton swab. I was slapped. I was tortured. I was frightened. I was shivering. I sweated. I cried. I shouted.


The deaf ears had their eyes on my body. I was unexposedly raped. I was x-rayed all over.
A hand holded my lips together. I looked back. The same old monster. His fingers traced my buttock line. He embraced me in his arms. His touch was painful than being thorned with cactus.


My soul was bleeding. The demons slanged me. My man was slanged for bringing me here. I heard the worst slangs of my life. Thought I_how miserably helpless I was!


I could not  believe my ears when a guy said he will fetch me home like his own sister!
Among those horrible basta*ds did he survive for a noble cause? Or were his intentions cheaper than the others? Why didn't he like the other nasty devils, touch me? My tired mind could not judge him. The half moon failed to show his face.


That cupid fetched us till the city road. The devils continued to follow us. They were slanging the cupid. They said he will be beaten if he let us go. The monster didn't leave any slight chance to touch me. He inserted his hand into my wear. He managed to tore it apart. He continued pinching me all over my body. I was aggitated. I gave horrible shouts. I was slanged again. I was helpless again!


With the very first house I saw, I holded my breath. I ran to the lady's rescue who stood there after her evening chores. She caressed me and asked what was wrong. I entered her house and cried aloud. The monsters threatened the lady to pull us out. The lady nodded a ''no''. She was slanged. She shouted. She said she will call the villagers. The monsters surrendered the battle.


My close eyes failed to discard the faces. My ears echoed the slangs louder. My hands were rigid. My breasts were paining. I felt like slashing them off. My whole body shivered. As if to dust down the dirt that coated me.


While I walked back , he said he was sorry for not being a ''man''. I shallowed his guilt saying _heroes fly only in movies!
Sitting alone in my room, I am safe!
But the silence hovers me. A feeling of vomit , nausea , guilt bestows upon me.


How big is this sin?
THE SIN OF BEING A GIRL?

SHE KNEW HE WAS DEAD

Stood she with a bunch of white roses.
A black veil covered her beautiful face.
Her tears were unseen.
Her sobs were unheard.
She could not fight today to wake him up.
He was sleeping peacefully in shrine.
She knew he wont kiss her.
She knew he wont hug her.
She was left alone to decay.
She knew he was dead.

His deceased body laid beside her.

She didn't will to unhook his little finger.

Her eyes were not blinking.

Wshed remained the tears.

She was dying too.

His silence was hovering.

It frightened her  to let him go.

The world seemed so bruised.

The people stared like wolves.

And she knew he was dead.

She felt like screaming aloud.
The melancholy was ruining her comfort.
All his promises were shattered.
To whom would she complain now?
No fingers remained to tickle below her navel.
No chest remained to rest her pain.
No ears remained to listen to her stories.
No eyes remained to see her naked.
He won't caress her tired soul
because she knew he was dead.

She was drenched in horror.

The horror of surviving alone.

She wished somebody killed her.

She wished she could go with him below earth.

A tiny responsibility waited for her.

It was just their baby eight months old.

Smiled it.

Knew nothing about the game of death.

It waited for its mother to smile back

but she cried because she knew he was dead.

The baby missed the coarse arms, it called ''pa''.
But it didn't know he was gone.
It saw him lay with his eyes closed.
It thought he was playing a game.
Called it twice,''pa''.
He didn't response.
Clueless it stared at its mother.
Shamelessly she smiled.
She had a reason for not to end up.
Though she knew he was dead.

She had this innocent angel he gifted her.

She let his hand leave hers.

She winded up her sad soul.

She wished she had some more memories to live with.

She picked their baby up in her arms.

She promised she won't ever look back.

She was dead from within but she didn't stink.

She kissed her life back.

She smiled and let him go in peace.

since she knew he was dead.

 

 

 

THE WALK

 

He hooked my little finger into his;

we walked miles untired.

Seldom did he look around;

his gaze into my eyes chilled my breathe.

I asked him what he was staring?

He said I was his life.

Blushed and sweated I;

bitted my lips, slowed my steps.

I wanted the road to never end;

I wanted the sky to never dark.

Sparkled his eyes under the golden sun;

I didn't fail to catch his spark.

Told I he was awesome;

hold he my palm tighter.

His warm breathe fell on my lips;

when I laughed and pulled him closer.

He caressed my hairs while I walked;

asked he if I was tired.

I nodded a no;

though my ankle ached.

I knew it was the same with him;

his mind busy loving me.

His hand ached holding my;

but he didn't complain.

Neither did his eyes;

unblinked it watched my every expression.

He said I am cute;

he said he don't wana loose me ever.

A drop or two escaped my soul;

I was gasping for more love and attention.

The care he showered;

I didn't want to share.

The hugs he embrassed;

I wish I could always be between his arms.

Humed I a silent tune;

praised he I was melodious.

Blushed I and continued singing;

followed his charming voice

The day was soon at its end;

Moon lighted the road.

Hand in hand for hours we walked;

and I wished this journey never ends.

 

 

YOU DIDN'T OBEY ME? I WILL CUT OFF YOUR EARS!!!

                                                KHHAAACHCHCHEEEEAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!
I mean, who on earth does that? I am terribly astonished to the growing intensity of demon-ness.
In a country like India, where the government promises its citizens the basic fundamental rights-
right to equality; right to freedom of speech, expression, movement, residence, occupation; right against exploitation; right to freedom of religion; cultural and educational rights; right to constitutional remedies etc. ; how can such a miserable offence  be committed?
        
                   I switched on my television to view all the worst things that could have happened in West Bengal on a day of ''bandh''; and especially when its success has been challenged by the ruling government as well!!



                   Broken glass panes; buses set on fire; ceased transport; shouting politicians; bannered rallies; beaten people lying over their pool of blood; 'lathi-charge'; and few more head-aching agony were not uncommon. But this_''cutting off the ear of a panchayat official'' only cause he failed to attend his office under the verdict of ruling government has throbbed my heart! Its worse than bomb attacks!! I mean how can you just cut off some body's ear only cause he didn't attend his office because you told him not to do so?
 
                    The punishment was already announced though! A person who fails to attend his work hours would be devoid of a day's salary! Then why this? Its like you rule a party and you don't know where your extremities HAS to end for sure. Its not that I am writing this cause am in ones favour and against the other. Its cause am a common man(woman). I mean, this could have surely happened to me too. Where am I suppose to chill my breathes that am safe?

                    You rule a party and are free to misbehave with one and all.  You rule a party and you are free to sign cash memos for unnecessary expenditures. You rule a party and you are free to gift gold medals and cash awards to the Richy rich. You rule a party and you have several other things to do than inaugurate a college building awaiting a inaugural for decades. You rule a party and you have pet devils bound in chains ; you free them when you wish destruction. You rule a party and you forget the blessings you owe to the common man.

                    Whatever happens good or bad; its the common man who suffers. Bandh should be completely abolished! There are plenty of other ways to symbolise ones disapproval; anger; pain.
Its nothing less than monarchy; i feel am no more independent. Certain people who work under the banner of ruling government are considered supreme of all. (WHY?) They are feared by all. (WHY?) I sometimes feel like cactus-crowning them again! So feels the people around me.

                  Being completely apolitical is never possible. Certainly there are views which matches yours and views that contradict my. But that does not mean I will run naked on road to kill you.
Naked of humanity. Naked of brotherhood. Naked of wisdom. Naked of respect. Naked of truth. Naked of peace!

                 Wake up people!
''Mahatma-Netaji-Lala-Chacha'' wished a peacefully_constitution_abiding_INDIA!


 

THE BENGALI VALENTINE'S DAY

It was 9:25 a.m when I managed to ascend my bed. I am too lazy to do that so early!
Putki (tiny) had started the daily chores. She was banging the utensils while cleaning them.
''Putki ! ASHTEY (slow) !!'' , shouted my mother.
It was this noise that irritated my nerves. I felt like banging the same utensils on her head.
I walked throbbing to the veranda where I knew she was.
I watched her pulling the water can in haste. I watched her thrashing the wet cloths horribly.
She was behaving unusually. She was in hurry!
I threatened her to mind the noise she was making when I observed her colourful get-up.

She wore a peacock green Saree. Her matching green bangles with a tinch of gold shined. Her vermilion 'bindi' was bigger and prominent than the other days. She pinned a nose ring. Her hairs were tied into a bun stapled with a red rose. I saw her nails polished with an absurd shade of red. She painted her feet in red-in Bengali which we call 'alta'. She wore a silver bracelet (nupur) too. The matching jewellery was making her look beautiful.
She looked adorable. She looked like a newly married bride!

Putki was only 17 when she got married to a 21 years old good for nothing kid. Soon she was pregnant and now she has a 2 year old irritating child. Her mother in law is a maid too. I often think that before getting married did she ever imagined herself to work as a maid for earning her daily bread? I mean, which lady on earth imagines that? Its so damn ridiculous!

I sat beside her and acknowledged her beautiful wear. She smiled and continued to work in haste.
As I walked past her, she asked why was I sleeping so late. Astonished me replied that's my daily schedule and she knows that. She laughed and told me about some 'Bangla-vaalaanteen dhe'.

God's gracious! I laughed till my tummy ached.

Few minutes later I saw her kiddo husband ringing his cycle's bell outside our house. I asked what the matter was. Though I knew what he was here for! I went to Putki and pinched her hard. She blushed and bid me bye.

As she sat in his cycle's carriage; she hold him by his shoulder. She sat one side two legged and caught his waist. He caressed her hands as if he meant he loved her and wont let anything happen to her. He meant she was safe till he survived. He meant even if he is incapable of affording her the happiness she desired; he wanted to see her smile. He wanted to she her happy.
I got surrounded with an ambiance full of love!






















This was the occasion of saraswati puja (goddess of education). Bengali people call it a day of Bengali valentines day!

I wore a Saree and visited the nearby temple. Amidst the busy vehicles I saw troops of Saree wearing gorgeous girls and formally dressed boys. I turned nostalgic! Though I studied in a centrally run school which never celebrated any local festivals; yet the school days were lively and awesome!

The day of saraswati puja is called a non_book day! I mean you are not allowed to touch your books and disturb goddess on her single day of rest! Students submit all their books and copies to her and rest too!

Bikers had their girls stuck close. The rickshaws carried gossipping couples. The pedestrians walked hand in hand. The road side stalls were crowded with two genders. Every knook and corner was in a ratio of one is to one!

This is a 'heaven' which celebrates every occasion incredibly. Whether its a period of joy or whether its a period of pain; it does not go unreacted. People here does not isolate a single chance of enjoying from themselves. The atmosphere here is always 'out-of-the-world'. Its lively! Its great!

 

THE DIARY OF A 20 YEAR OLD - VII

IN LOVE AGAIN!!

How does it feel  to fall in love?
And how does it feel to fall in recurrent loves?
:p
I mean you talk to a guy hours and love is inevitable!
Ofcourse that should not mean you are loose charactered.
:p
Though people often certify you a slut, your feelings are genuine!
Trust me!
I know!

I really don't understand how a person sticks to a single being for hours.
Is it his voice thats heart thrombing?
Is it his face thats incredible?
Is it his eyes screaming for attention?
Is it his nose thats pin-pointed?
Is it his cheeks that blushes a pink shade?
Is it his lips I love to watch move, un-blinked?
Is it his arms that engulf me in him?
Is it his breathes, warm and deep?
Is it his touch thats caring?
Is it his ways of  making me feel like a caressed doll?
Is it his playing with my hair tangles?
Is it his tickling my shoulders from back?
Is it his hands that never leave my?
Is it his kisses I can never be tired off?
Is it his...
I lay on my bed to think how good we are together. A certain part of my brain also calculates the people around us; their expressions to this relation; their anxiety of shaming us; their dirty taunts; their slangs.
There is no age to fall in love. There are no boundaries beyond which love can be imprisoned.
Yes! I do care of the people around me. I can't always judge them as shit!
I will loose my love again. I know!
surely but, can't stop loving!
I love you..



 

LONG DRIVE

I  loved the way fast wind waves slapped my face.
My free hair strands were twisting into nasty un-solvable tangles.
I allowed the buttons of my shirt to loosen.
My hands were loosing its mighty grip.
My eyes demanded a slow closure.
My lips locked a curl.

The drive on stretched roads,

cutting apart the dark green on both sides;

was getting wilder;

was getting crazier;

could snatch away my life;

but I wished it existed for an eternity.

 





My soul was shedding its worries.

Its tired of the enumerable responsibilities;

of the never ending questions;

of the betrayed love;

of the lies it told;

of the fear for death.

 

 

 

It wanted to scream loud and be shameless.

It wanted an unrestricted boundary.

It wanted itself not imprisoned.

It wanted peace.

It wanted to laugh like a child.

It wanted to live another sunshine unended.

 

Dried the waves my leaking eye.

Eased the saviours my wrinkled forehead.

Strengthened me lord with unseen weapons.

Confidence of never loosing this battle before he engulfs me in death.

Promised me he to be with me always.

And showered me blessings wrapped.





 

As the breeze grew cooler and milder;

I woke from that timid sleep in between my drive.

Amidst the heavenly beauty I drove.

Scratched apart the mountain flew the fast eagles ugly.

Following them underneath was the slow splashing river.

Above them a burning sun captured an indigo canvas.

 

 

 

The cruel world cries aloud for priority.

The malignant desire to win is cruelest of all.
The faulty perception of success has ruined me.
It has deserted me of all my happiness.
I was searching my smile with every breathe that merged into air.
The growing storm was throwing me off my seat.

I drove.

I kept driving.

Till the indigo turned violet.

It was dark;

but not darker than my life.

The chilling unseen wreathe pained my eyes;

but  less than when I cry lonely.

The wind did not leave me a second alone.

I owe my dead emotions to it.

Had not I been to this long drive.

Would not have I cherished my misery.

I have learned to be happy competited.

To these lifeless entities, I owe a lot since tonight.